So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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