She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
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The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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