He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
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Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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