dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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