What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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