I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
