How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
They are going to name an STD after you.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
