haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
