I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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