your room smells of hookers.
And success
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
