The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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