i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
