If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
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Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
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The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.