fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip