that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
At least life still wants to fuck me.