It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dating After Heartbreak
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.