At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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