(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
