Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
