I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Bring me that man meat
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