tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
