i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You made out with two different species that night
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
