Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
