Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
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Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
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HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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