Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My pussy is not your playground.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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