"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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