too bad you live with your parents still
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
