found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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