Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
