On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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