If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
