I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I FOUND THE LEGS
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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