I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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