I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
