Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
