You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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