At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
