I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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