dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
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We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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