What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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