direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
