Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I am spending my child support on dildos
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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