Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
foreskin is a definite game changer
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
