I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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