When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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