Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
