After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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