she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
