Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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