Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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