Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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