At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
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I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
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I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways