I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
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I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.