i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.