I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
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I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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