Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.