defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
