i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
