Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Randomize
