She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
