Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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