The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
