you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
