He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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